She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
