ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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