Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
