So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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