they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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