Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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