Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize