so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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