he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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