It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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