my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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