i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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