Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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