I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
