Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
