dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
