I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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