I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
