honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
