okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
