I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
