jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize