remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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