Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
