ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have demons in me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
