If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
why is half of my head shaved?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
