u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
