dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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