My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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