planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
