I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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