I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
