4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
