Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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