Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize