My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
