I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
