He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
