what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize
