STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Farmville is her only friend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
