My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
