And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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