Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
