I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
