It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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