we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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