Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
