Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
