he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
