i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
