What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
