I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize