I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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