It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
