took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
