woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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