it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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