It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
