why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
