I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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