FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
