Your mouth is God's brothel.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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