he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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