Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
