This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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