We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
