so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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